I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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