is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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