Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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