Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
