Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
