covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
