My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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