so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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