i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
