The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
