so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
