Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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