I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
