Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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