Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
