see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
