For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
