tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
This toilet bowl is my home.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize