3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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