Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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