i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
