i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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