My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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