So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
