yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
