So drunk its hurt
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
