I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
