trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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