Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had sex on a roof
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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