so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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