Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
