i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
