She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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