Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
