I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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