brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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