i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
