there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
