yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize