it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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