I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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