Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
