I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
