Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
