a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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