I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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