Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I love having hate sex.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
