david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
