forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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