you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
