If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize