$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
