i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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