I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
