It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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