Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
