im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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