Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
