I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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