I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize