just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize