we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
