we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize