Kiss
Puke
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
one might say we're banned from that church
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
