on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
