How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
