I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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