You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
