Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
