No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
