she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
