Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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