My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
