i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
