wrigley field is MILF paradise
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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