I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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