I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
