No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
