Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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