Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
