you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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