And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
