I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
