You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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