Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
