Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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