He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
