I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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