I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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