Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
