dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize