I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
