Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
