i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
