After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
