I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
