Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
