Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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