So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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