Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
