I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
