I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
