How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
